November 22, 2009

I had a friend (Teresa) come over yesterday and we were on our way into Toronto to see a movie about laughter. Well half way there I started gagging and vomiting and we ended up turning around and coming back home. (No it was not from the laughter). Teresa is a great healer and so she did some Reiki. Devine intervention….. We spent the evening in conversation and doing healing techniques and dialogue with Julian and Richard and they got into an issue as well. I had a powerful vision that continued to be with me throughout the early morning. The vision included a small tiger pup with lots of wisdom. Similar to the energy from Lion King. That was very powerful for me and helped put some pieces together.

This recovery period is definitely taking longer than I expected and a lot more maintenance. Between cleaning bandages, skin care, cleaning trache tubes, using the feeding tube (continuously) and now some jaw exercises it is a full time job. Sounds like it is going to be another while. Every time I speak to the doctor it seems it gets a little longer. Someone said today it could be another 4-6 months. At this point I don’t know anymore. I can only give myself the best care I can and see what happens. I know it would be easier once these mouth sores heal and I can eat, at least not as painful. I am not a fan of the medication and I feel it is hard to keep my own sense of inner strength, although with it, I feel stoned but without it’ is too hard to manage the pain right now. By the way my skin is starting to look more even. I had one side that was very dark and flakey and now it has fallen off with some care from me and more even on both sides around the neck and shoulders. (I felt like Michael Jackson as my pigment was almost black).

My sister is coming from Montreal this weekend and we plan to go to my other sister’s place in Terra Cotta and do a bomb fire. I want to burn the mask and Julian wants to help destroy it. We will do some wild rituals to say good bye to that stage. We are already planning to see what else we can put in that feeding tube. Joan mentioned liquor – anything that would be better than this boring white stuff called nutri that smells like carnation milk. I still get a little nausea so I have to be careful what goes in. My weight has not gone up but has stayed about the same. They of course would like to see that increase.