Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I met with the team of doctors today to review how things are going. Again the tumor is shrinking well. I now need to get some weight on as I lost another couple of pounds. The throat is changing and food is tasting terrible (as someone described it was like eating sawdust). I am now using the feeding machine which takes quite a bit of time, but I am determined. There is a lot more discomfort from the throat and constant discharge and the last two days have been a little more challenging to talk. My skin around the neck area has become quite sensitive and peeling. After this week, it will be two more weeks of radiation and one more chemo treatment. I understand the trach tube and feeding tube may be with me for another month after (we will see). I am glad I know the end of this is coming and parts of me are able to appreciate some sense of normal.

I woke up during the night wanting to share the experience I had in the surgery area receiving the feeding tube. It was special. I had to wait about 2 hours in the post operation area wondering if they forgot about me. At last they came and got me. The doctor introduced himself and by then I was a little anxious (needless to say). I told him and he was so real with me. He said he understood and did not sugar coat anything. He did not minimize my anxiousness and I felt heard. He gave me the facts, the risks and also said he does about 3 a day. He then teamed with two other people in the operation room who I also shared my nervousness with and they quickly gave me their attention. I find when I am like that it is better for me not to go just into task mode, I looked them in the eye and often ask to hold their hands for a couple of minutes and then I feel the human element. They worked together very well as a team and stayed close to me and explained what they were doing. I was awake during the procedure with some help with meds. Then after they delicately brought me into the recuperation area and brought extra warm blankets.